Volvo C70 T5

I went to see a movie a couple weeks ago while I was down in Grahamstown taking a break from the daily grind. As the cinema in the thriving metropolis of Grahamstown doesn’t exactly have what one might term “latest releases”, my girlfriend and I decided to take a drive down to the small coastal town of Port Alfred.

It’s a rather pleasant drive actually. Just 60km along some gently winding mountain-pass type roads. And there are frankly no better types of roads.

Anyway, we went to see Knight and Day – a comedy, spy, thriller etc starring Tom Cruise and that girl from There’s Something about Mary whose name I can never remember. Why I mention all this is because in one particular scene Tom Cruise steals a Volvo C70 T5 to use as a getaway car, which prompted me to turn to my girlfriend and explain that the Volvo was well suited to such a task in absolutely no way whatsoever.

It’s a heavy car the C70. The enormous folding metal roof and Volvo’s obsession with safety make this gargantuan a viable contestant for a Swedish version of The Biggest Loser. It’s not a pretty thing either with its bubble-like top and oddly shaped lights, front and rear. In fact it almost looks like the Swedes have attempted to squeeze the C70 into a 12-year-olds ski pants.

Then there’s the engine. The same 5 cylinder turbo charged unit found in all T5 Volvo’s, as well as the Ford Focus ST. It produces some 170kW which is quite a lot in a mid-size hatch back. Strapped to the front of what is a small planet in comparison, 170kW barely gets the wheels turning.

The five speed automatic gearbox doesn’t do the C70 any favours either. Volvo first fitted an automatic gearbox to one of their cars in, well, who knows. A long time ago I’m sure. But I fear they’re still using the same one today. There’s a terribly long pause when you’re trying to pull off while the gearbox sorts itself out and transfers power to the wheels. You might imagine this could be solved by simply mashing your foot into the carpet, but you’d be wrong. All this does is destroy your fuel economy and, after the exceptionally long pause, catapult you into the back of the guy in front.

Which probably won’t cause as much discomfort as driving along the road, not a bumpy road, just any road. The body is incredibly rigid due to the strengthening beams that hold the car together (being a convertible this is rather necessary). And this rigidity comes at a price, quantified by bills from the chiropractor.

From a sort of spy gadget perspective the interior isn’t really up to scratch because there aren’t any gadgets to be found. The centre console is one solid piece of nicely engineered brushed aluminium that flows down from the dash board around the gear lever. Unfortunately the bits (being the radio etc) that are embedded in this beautiful console are from a wheelie bin outside a budget electronics warehouse.

All this in combination is exactly why the C70 was the worst possible car to choose for the getaway. How exactly Tom’s stunt drivers managed to manoeuvre the two ton lump of Swedish automotive engineering around a parkade is quite baffling…makes me wonder whether special effects might’ve been involved.

I wouldn’t choose the C70 for the road between Grahamstown and Port Alfred either. As I said, it’s a winding mountain-pass type road. If the C70 is no good in a parkade it’ll definitely run into trouble on a road that invites a bit of exuberant driving.

But I think Tom (and I for that matter) got it all wrong because once you tuck the big flappy roof bit away in the boot a transformation takes place. You see the only thing a C70 should be used to get away from is the office. And the only place you should go is a nice coastal town for a gentle Sunday afternoon cruise with the top down.

With the roof down the Volvo loses it bulbous, disfigured, disproportionate appearance and actually becomes quite nice to look at. And you can leave the top down all the times because unlike more lavishly equipped convertibles, there’s nothing in the Volvo so you don’t suffer from that uneasy feeling when leaving it parked outside a restaurant. So it’ll look good all the time, which is what this car is all about – looking good.

A lot of people out there aren’t interested in how nice a vehicle is to drive provided they look good behind the wheel. If you’re one of those people, try a Volvo C70 T5.

Price: R 547,000
Engine: 2521 cc turbo charged five cylinder
Power: 169 kW
Torque: 320 Nm
Acceleration (0-100 km/h): 8.4
Top speed (km/h): 230
Fuel consumption (l/100km): 9.38 (claimed)

Miles Downard
Photo Credit: Quickpic