The Last Word in Luxury

So a little while ago something happened in this lovable world of motoring in which we live that cheered me up immensely. Most news has the uncanny ability to keep me continuously wondering how on earth I’m still so interested in the motoring world, when all we normally get is a constant stream of Korean, Japanese and Korean cars with a shiny French badge tacked on the front, I thought I’d better talk about this unprecedented event.

The cause behind my new found happiness is the death of the Maybach. Finally people, well rich people, have shown some common sense and killed off the worst luxury manufacturer of them all by not buying any. I only wish normal people would do that with Tata.

In case you’re lost at this point in time, hold your breath and let’s dive into the murky waters of knowledge for a moment. The way to create a Maybach is surprisingly simple. Start by getting yourself a Mercedes S Class, then talk to a Boeing for about half an hour and after applying enough social pressure hey presto you’ll soon be sending out invites to the joyous union between the lovely First Class Cabin and Merc – and low and behold nine months later out pops a Maybach. Now in theory this is a great idea, combing the technological wizardry of the S Class with the status, space and Transformer inspired seating of first class travel. However theories are fragile things, much like a biscuit raft, and are liable to sink at any minute.  And the fatal flaw in this “genius” plan? Mixing all these elements together gets you very far from a luxury motor vehicle indeed.

Now you may be sitting there thinking, well actually first class sounds rather grand, I’d love to do that, and yes I’m sure it would be, once. Because no matter who you are, or where you sit on a plane, you do not want to be there. The aeroplane is just a means to get from A to B quickly and even if you are one of the lucky few who get the first class treatment, you’re never going to find yourself thinking, “This Caribbean holiday is just rubbish I wish I was back on the plane.”

The second thing is technology. Now I’m not knocking it in terms of its abilities. It’s all very clever, but if anyone has ever had the opportunity to fiddle around with the bewildering array of gadgets housed inside an S Class, you soon realize that you are going to need to take at least a six week correspondents course to even being to wrap your head around it all, none of which is relaxing to say the least.

And that’s the thing, complete luxury; the last word in luxury is all about comfort. Being relaxed, not having to worry you’re accidently going to press the wrong button and instead of turning on the headlights you’ll turn on all the seat massagers, or get the SatNav stuck in Polish because you hadn’t bothered to read the manual because it was longer and more drawn out than the complete works of Charles Dickens.

Now I really don’t care what reason Maybach has given as to why they’re going bust and I care even less about their swansong currently in production. All I know is that they’ve completely missed the point of a truly luxurious vehicle and it’s something Rolls Royce and Bentley grasped the moment they set up shop and been getting right for years. A truly luxurious car just does everything for you without a fuss, without you even knowing it, giving you the perfect ride while whisking you from place to place in complete style and comfort. Allowing you to sit back and relax, the master of all you survey.

So aufwedesein Maybach. And good riddance.

Nick Hodgson

Photo Credit: Quickpic